i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
