Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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