idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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