Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
