Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize