I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
