Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize