you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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