do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
