Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
