her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
