woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
