Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
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Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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