Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
