my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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