I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize