Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
