She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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