This is not my ceiling
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
