We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
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The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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