Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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