if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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