wakey wakey hands off snakey
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
