tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
