Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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