Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
