I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
