You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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