Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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