Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
