My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
