you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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