I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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