Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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