are you still at the devil's house?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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