I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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