A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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