Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
