I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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