We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
