meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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