so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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