you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
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the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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