i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
