It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
