I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
