Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
