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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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