I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
