i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
