What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
