just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
