you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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