Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
