was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
