I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
