i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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