The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize