Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
