Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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