I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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