It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
