she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
