I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
