We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
