I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
