just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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