I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
