nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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