Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
