My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
