we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dicks are not precious.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
