I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We left the knife in your bed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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