I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
