I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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