I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
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I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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