I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
