you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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