Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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