Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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