Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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